A Christmas Romance
by figtree777
Summary: 2011 Bella fell in love and then it was over. Christmas 2018 brings him back into her life. Do second chances at romance really exist?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"What are you saying?"

"I'm leaving Bella. I've told you a hundred times this, us, was never a good idea."

"Edward, no…last night…what?"

"It was a mistake and I am really sorry for that." Edward made to pass me, and I grabbed his wrist. He stopped and stared at me while I stuttered over my words. "Sorry? A-a-a mistake? What? How can you say that? I…"

He leaned towards me and I immediately felt relief. He was going to kiss me—he wasn't leaving. He did love me.

"Goodbye Bella and take care of yourself." A brief kiss on the cheek was all I received and then he was gone.

Love. Life. Meaning. Over


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 **Present Day**

Yay-forced family time at Thanksgiving was finally over and I could return to my freshman World History class tomorrow. I'm just feeling sorry for myself again. Holidays always did this to me. Let me tell you-if I have to see my brother Emmett wear his "food pants" again in the next year, it will be too soon. I swear he stole them from Rick Flair. They are hideous, and I have no idea how Rose puts up with it. She tells me "he's cute" and "it's one day out of the year Bella" but I know he will sneak them out again for our Christmas meal as well as Easter, Memorial Day, July 4th, and any other family gathering with huge amounts of food.

It wasn't so bad this year except for my Aunt Catherine asking me for the 10th holiday in a row "When are you going to bring a nice young man—or woman-to meet the family Bella? We won't judge you sweetie." UGH as if she can NOT judge. I had to bite my tongue and not reply with "When will your daughter have a permanent baby daddy—what is this the 4th kid and 3rd dad?" I do love Alice but you would think after marrying losers 1 and 2 (Felix and Jamie—serious losers) and having baby number 4 in the oven with no mention of the father—Aunt Catherine would know better than to focus on my love life. Honestly, I love Marcus, Jane and Alec (twins), and will dote on this baby as well but geez ever heard of birth control? Alice won't even tell us who this dad is but at least she didn't marry loser number 3. I guess she isn't "trailer trash" since she is financially stable with her own home (no thanks to previously mentioned losers 1 and 2) but c'mon Aunt C—focus on them and not me!

I need to focus on this lesson. After 5 glorious days off, I must return to school tomorrow. I'm sure my freshies will be thrilled to be starting World War 1 since there are only 6 weeks left in the course. Ok focus Bella—why was Gavrilo Princip NOT eating an actual sandwich when he killed Franz Ferdinand again? Right, sandwiches were not a "thing" in Serbia yet in 1914. I continued writing out my lesson plans for the week and checked the weather. Great-rain again. Please God, just one snow day? I'm begging you? On behalf of all teachers, 20 school days between Thanksgiving and Winter Break is too long!

I came out of my sorta plea/prayer to my cell phone ringing. "Hey Angela, what's up?"

"Bella, how was your break? Mine was great. Guess what? Ben proposed!"

"No shit! That's awesome Angela! WOW when is the wedding?"

"Dad says Christmas Eve will be perfect since we have nearly 2 weeks for break after and the church will already be decorated! I had to check with you first since you are OBVIOUSLLY my maid of Honor."

"Angela, that's awesome! 13 months is plenty of time to plan the perfect wedding. I am assuming blue and silver since you always decorate your tree those colors. Who else are you asking?"

"Bella, you aren't listening. I said Christmas Eve—I didn't say next year."

What? Hold up? "Are you out of your mind? That is 30 days from today—you cannot pull together a wedding that quickly."

"Bella, I'm pregnant. 6 weeks."

If this was a Hallmark or Lifetime channel movie, I know we would hear crickets. So what if it is November? Angela, my sweet bff since 1st grade that still wore a purity ring her dad gave her in 7th grade, always made sure to have her own apartment- 2 blocks away -and NEVER talked about sex- was pregnant, engaged, and getting married? My speech was not working. I tried anyway.

"How did this happen? Pregnant? Are you sure?"

"Bella, you are 25 years old and teach high schoolers one hall over from me. Surely you know the basics? Anyway, we both had too much to drink at Emmett's Halloween party—remember-you drove me and Ben home? Anyway, he ubered back to my house to check on me and well…. wesortalostcontrol."

I had no clue what to say. I mean Ben liked Angela for years when we were growing up and she him. They went to colleges thousands of miles apart, but he moved back to the area last Thanksgiving. They had only dated the last 6 months and I knew they were deeply in love but holy shit—a baby and marriage?

"Bella, say something. Yell at me if you want but I need you. I am having a small wedding back in Forks in 30 days and you will be my only attendant. Please please…"

"Angela...I love you-Congratulations! Of course I will be there for you. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, he's everything to me Bella. I know it's backwards but he's my one and I'm his. We may be going about it backwards, but we know we are forever. I need my bestie. Believe me, dad was very disappointed but once he learned I was a virgin until last month, he said he understood. THEN he and mom told me they had sex after their rehearsal dinner! My whole life has been a lie!"

We laughed and laughed after that. We made plans to stay after school tomorrow and plan out some details.

As I was going over the whole surreal-ness of the night, my carefully held wall broke down for the slightest moment. Oh crap—was he going to be at the wedding?


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Oh Monday—why can't I sleep until my alarm goes off? Ok 5:50 am it is instead of 6. I got up and fed Frisco-my 15 lb. dachshund, then proceeded to make my coffee and eat breakfast. School starts at 7:45 daily except for Wednesdays and I arrive by 7:15. However, I only need 20-30 minutes to get ready. I washed my hair yesterday morning so I only need a quick shower and to dress. I flipped through the news channels and waited for Frisco to finish eating. "Ready buddy?" Thankfully my apartment complex has a great dog park/potty area. I took him out and he finished in record time. Yes, the highlight of my morning is picking up his waste and throwing it away. We got back inside and I was ready by 7. I put Frisco in his crate (he loves his blankie and I only crate him when I am gone) because if I don't, he will bark all day long—he is a yapping dachshund after all!

Mr. Clark is there already when I pull in at 7:10. He may look clueless, but I adore my principal. He really supports us and the teachers. "Hello Mr. Clark! How was your break?"

"Miss Swan-early as usual! We had a nice break but I'm glad to be back. How about you? Emmett still eating you out of house and home?" Mr. Clark remembered Emmett from when he played for Forks High 10 years ago. He was the size of a linebacker at 17—who wouldn't remember him! "Yes, he broke out the wrestling pants again. I think he ate 2 whole pies! Have a nice day!"

"You too Miss Swan! Don't forget we have testing this week." Ugh how could I forget!

I had just signed in and checked my box when Angela came rushing in. "Bella, did you tell anyone?"

"Angela, I truly just got here. Other than the school secretary and Mr. Clark, we are the only ones here! Who would I tell?"

"I asked Mr. Clark if he could spare time at 8:45 when I have planning. I need to tell him so I can tell my students. I won't announce my pregnancy until after break but Mr. Clark just said I was positively glowing! I'm paranoid I will be fired!"

"Angela, first you are glowing with love. Second, we both know Cramden has been shacking up with Mrs. Blackwelder all school year and she's not even divorced yet. Moral Turpitude won't be applied to you. Secondly, you are getting married and the baby will be 'legitimate' so no moral infraction. Stop worrying and let me give you a hug"

"Ok, you're right…still on for this afternoon-right? I don't have duty this week and neither do you so meet in my room by 2:45."

I gave her a salute and headed to my room.

I arrived in Angela's room right at 2:45pm and kept trying to remember what I needed to ask her. She remembered for me.

"Bella, since it's a small wedding and you are my only bridesmaid, Ben is asking him,"

Oh crap. "Angela, its fine. I mean, what's it been 4-5 years. I am way over him."

"Stop trying to be a martyr Bella. I saw what happened when we saw him last year after we ran into Ben at the pub Black Friday and Edward was with him. You suddenly remembered school work on a Friday night during break and barely said hello! Good thing Ben slipped me his card before we left, or I might never have gotten together with him. You broke up 7 years ago not 4 or 5 and you've seen him several times since—all without managing to say more than hello or goodbye. Are you really ok?"

"You are my best friend and I can do this for you Ange. I promise it's no big deal. I don't say anything to him because, well, what is there to say? 'Hi Edward, remember me? I almost slept with you and you dumped me the next day and left town after telling me it was a mistake. No big deal right.'"

"Bella, you know its more than that. You are still in love with him. I just don't want to hurt you but he is Ben's best friend not to mention his cousin. I want to do the right thing."

"It will be fine. Now let's start planning. What all do we need to do? Dress, flowers, photographer, cake?"

"Ok don't be mad but I contacted a wedding planner and she's meeting us at Black Diamond Bridal on Alice Road."

"Please tell me you are joking. Please tell me you didn't hire her."

"Bella! She loves you and she's your cousin and she's the best between Forks and Seattle! Of course I hired her. What's wrong with you?"

Kill me now. I was going to have to deal with Alice as well as Edward for this wedding.

We arrived at Black Diamond Bridal before 4pm and Alice-in her 6 months pregnant state- met us at the door-talking a mile a minute.

"Oh Angela, I took the liberty of working with the owner to pick out several dresses based on our discussion Saturday. She has them all in the room marked "A" so shoo-go try them on."

Great-control freak is turned up. "Bella-I have 3 different styles of dresses picked out for you in room "B". Now they aren't the color she wants so we are just going for the style. We need to decide today so the dress can be ordered and arrive within 2 weeks. They need it early to make sure they have time for alterations so go-NOW." Alice was literally pushing me into the fitting room. There were only 3 and no other customers in the store but whatever.

Dress one was tea length with a halter top. I felt like my DDs were going to be on display. I nixed that one immediately. Dress 2 was floor length with a modest slit but covered the girls well. Dress 3 was at my knees but had an empire waist that downplayed my chest. I loved it. I went out in that one to show Alice and Angela.

"Yes, I knew you would love it! Keep it on so Angela can see. She didn't like her first 4 dresses but says she will come out with this one."

Angela walked out, and I swear my jaw hit the floor. How could my best friend be so beautiful? She had on a slightly ivory dress with a silvery undertone. It was long sleeve with a beautiful lightly sliver sash around the waist and a sweet heart neckline. She looked nervous.

"Ange, are you ok?"

"Bella, Alice, I…. this is the one. I feel like this is the dress I've always dreamed of. What do you think?"

Alice burst into tears and made me cry too. "Angela, its perfect. If you love it, I love it too!" We hugged and cried together then we felt Alice join in squeezing the life out of us.

"Angela, this is the one I envisioned for you! The coloring is flattering and has the colors you love plus the sash will help to hide your tummy if you are showing next month."

My eyes went wide. "You know?"

"Bella, of course I told her. She's the wedding planner and she knows how to hide pregnancy in a dress."

"I did get married while pregnant twice Bella. Did you think I would judge her?"

"No, I, uh, I didn't realize she was telling everyone."

"Bella, Alice is hardly everyone. Oh, Mr. Clark's meeting-he was so happy for us and said he agreed I should keep the pregnancy a secret until after break. Ben and his family know as well as my family, you and Alice and our boss but that's it."

Ok mouth- insert foot. "Angela, I'm sorry…I didn't mean…Forgive me?"

"Always Bella! "We hugged again and Angela appraised my dress. We all decided to go with the shimmery navy-blue dress with silver undertones to match Angela's dress.

"Ok, well I guess I will see you tomorrow!"

"Bella, where are you going? This is only the first stop. We still have flowers, catering, bridal shower, bachelorette party to plan. We are hardly done!"

"Um, ok but I have to go let Frisco out."

"We know—we are meeting the rest of the bridal party at Michael's Seafood and Steakhouse at 5:30. That gives you almost 40 minutes to go let him out and change to meet us."

"change? Why do I need to change?"

"Bella, surely you aren't wearing a Port Angeles polo shirt and jeans to dinner? Go home and put on that dress you wore last year to my mom's Christmas party and a little mascara wouldn't kill you. I'm going home with Angela to help her pick out something suitable and to go over clothing she needs. We will see you there."

I was summarily dismissed and a little put out but I went home anyway. Wait, did she say the rest of the bridal party? Oh shit.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

5:30 pm Michael's Steak and Seafood November 25, 2018

I stood in my hunter green wrap dress and shiny black 2-inch Mary Jane's deciding if I truly was going in or if I was going back home and faking sick. Could I really do this? Could I face Edward—not just a casual passing him by but truly be in his presence for what—an hour or 2 at most? Yes Bella, you are a big girl. You aren't 17 anymore. You are a 4th year teacher, lead of the History department, successful in your career. You aren't a lovesick teenager anymore-for crying out loud you teach lovesick teenagers every day. You can do this!

I pushed the door, and nothing happened. I was cursing under my breath trying to figure out why it wouldn't budge when I felt him before I heard him – "Allow me miss." I saw his hand reach out and pull the door open for me. Standing there and feeling like an idiot, I turned to say thank you when his smile dropped. "Bella, is that you?"

"Hi Edward. Thanks for holding the door for me." I walked on through feeling stupid. How I managed 2 complete sentences was beyond me.

 _Flashback_

 _Stupid door-I was ready to bang on the door for my new AP Bio class when it swung open. "Sorry, the teacher must have locked it already. Come in." My mouth dropped open as I took in the sight of the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. "Th-th-thanks." Mr. Banner, the bane of my science education for the 4_ _th_ _year in a row- started to tell me I was late when I handed him the note from the office. My dad had to fix a flat tire for me this morning and came inside the school to sign me in so I wouldn't be tardy the first day of Spring Semester._

" _Thank you Bella. It is unusual for you to be tardy. Try not to let it happen again."_

" _Sure thing Mr. Banner."_

" _We've already taken roll and set up seating assignments. Since you are my highest achieving senior, I took the liberty of pairing you with Mr. Cullen—he just moved here from a year long AP Bio class. Please sit next to him."_

 _Oh my god—It was the gorgeous boy. I sat down and put my stuff down under the table. I saw the standard syllabus with the parent contact sheet. C'mon Mr. Banner. There aren't even 500 kids in the school and you are the science chair. Do I have to fill this out again!? I started filling it in with all of the phone numbers and email for my dad even if he never checked his email or cell phone. Joke's on Banner I guess._

" _Hi I am Edward. Mr. Banner already told me you would be my partner. Bella, right?" how could I forget him!_

 _I turned to look slowly at him. Crap, what did he say? "Um, yes I am Bella. Nice to meet you…?" I held out my hand to him._

" _Edward, Edward Cullen." Wait like in Dr. Cullen? I didn't know he had 2 sons that were seniors?_

" _I thought Ben was his only child?"_

 _Edward smirked. "Yes Carlisle is my uncle. Ben is my first cousin. Our Dads are brothers. I just moved here from Chicago for the semester." He turned away and continued writing. I had a million questions. Who moves senior year 2_ _nd_ _semester? Did his parents move here for like a job or something? Edward was not forthcoming with info so I turned back to my own paper._

 _Mr. Banner started talking again and went over the syllabus. Since Forks is such a small school, we only have English III, IV, and Calculus AP courses offered year long. Today was Tuesday January 18 and our AP exam is May 9-Great the same week as AP World but not too bad. Mr. Banner was going on and on about how we had 12 weeks to cover everything due to Spring Break and AP testing starting May 2. We would have 2 chapters a week to cover for 8 weeks then 4 weeks of review. Only 2 projects but testing every Wednesday—Elementary and Middle had early release days on Wednesdays while high school has late arrival. Thank you Mr. Banner._

" _What do you think?" Edward had been talking to me but I only caught the tail end._

" _About what?"_

" _Bella, I asked you if you wanted to study each Wednesday morning before school as well as each Monday afternoon. What do you think?"_

 _I pulled out my agenda-thank you good people of Forks-and flipped it open today. I worked Tuesday and Fridays at Newton's Outfitters plus every other Saturday. I also had studying each Thursday with Angela for our Friday tests in English IV. I barely knew the guy but was relieved my schedule was open. "Yeah those times work with my schedule. Do you wanna meet here or at one of our houses or..?"_

" _My house is fine on Mondays. Ben is usually around but my Uncle and Aunt both work until 7 Mondays. I thought maybe we could meet across the street Wednesdays at Mocha Motion."_

" _Sure, it's a date." I was penciling this in when I heard him whisper "Date?"_

 _I didn't want to embarrass myself or him so I quickly backpedaled and said "No no I meant like a meeting, not an actual date, I…"_

" _No Bella, its ok. I just…I don't date and I didn't want there to be any misunderstanding. I mean there are only 12 of us in here and you look like the only student that takes their work seriously—at least that is what Mr. Banner told me last Friday when we came in and met with the teachers. I don't want to put you off—I just want to be clear we are just studying. Don't go falling in love with me or anything weird, ok?" Edward winked at the end. Did he seriously just quote A Walk to Remember. Oh my—epic fail Bella—quick come up with something witty._

" _Oh Edward, don't you know all the boys fall over me? After all I am the police chief's daughter and the boys simply fall all over themselves lining up to date me."_

 _I turned away before he could see my burning face and I almost thought he said "I'm sure they do" but when I peeked over at him, he was simply making notations on the syllabus as Banner talked._

"…"

I turned around and smiled. What else could I do to save face with the only man I have ever loved? He told me not to fall in love with him and I did. I almost gave myself to him and he left town the next day. I had to pretend that time was a mistake, just like he told me 7 years ago.

"Are you just going to pretend you didn't hear me? What the hell Bella?" My smile faded as I took in his scowl. Uh oh—stop daydreaming about the past Bella.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you. What did you say?"

"Are you actually going to stick around and have a conversation or just flake out like you have every time we've seen each other since high school. I mean damn, I didn't know you could be so cold." He had a full on scowl now. I was cold? Oh hell no.

"What the hell is your problem? If memory serves me correctly, you left me that day at the playground. No warning, no phone calls, no emails, not letters, nothing and this was after telling me the night before was a mistake? Well fuck you for thinking I owe you anything much less a conversation!" I moved to leave, my angry had fully consumed me and I was about to have a meltdown with tears and everything. I was pulling the door trying to get it open—stupid door. I thought I had to pull it. Oh wait I was on the other side, I need to push. I suddenly felt my wrist encased by a strong hand.

"Bella," he whispered softly. "Please don't leave. I-I'm being an asshole. Can we-can you please stay? I'll leave. This is for Ben and Angela not us. I just…I don't wanna fight. Please don't leave."

I was on the verge of losing it. Could I really let this happen when I was here for Angela? I looked to the left and saw the restrooms. "Just let me go to the restroom Edward. I'll be there in a few minutes." He dropped his hand and I felt him move away. I nearly ran into the bathroom and closed the stall door behind me. I started doing deep breaths like I had seen Alice do during labor with 1, 2 and 3. I knew I was going to breakdown and cry but if I did that I would have to go home. I didn't want to streak my mascara either. After a few minutes, I gathered myself together and walked out of the restroom. I went straight to the bar and ordered shot of crown with a small chaser of diet coke. The burn helped to soothe my insides and I felt ready to face everyone.

Dinner went…well? I don't know. I had 2 glasses of red wine after my shot and barely picked at my food. I would eat it for lunch tomorrow. I didn't speak much but neither did Edward. We basically ignored each other. "…ok well we will meet you then! Bye everyone!" Alice was leaving and I only caught the end of what she was saying before she left. Angela leaned over and whispered "Is that ok Bella? You didn't say anything so I assumed it was." I looked at Angela and whispered back "I have no idea what shes talking about." I didn't want to admit I had been staring at Edward most of dinner—well not directly but out of the corner of my eye. Goodness he was still beautiful and was still out of reach. "Bella, we are going to meet here again right after school tomorrow with the manager to sample the catering menu. The owner even came and spoke to us. I thought you had a department meeting but couldn't remember if it was this Tuesday or next."

I had to see him again so soon! What? "Uh, we meet the first Tuesday of the month and tomorrow is the last so no meeting. Is everyone going to be here?" I really only meant Edward but didn't want to say anything. "No, Edward and Ben can't make it but us 3 will be here. Ben said he knows what I like, and Edward doesn't really need to give his input on the reception food."

"Oh ok. Sure, we can carpool. Want me to pick you up for school tomorrow? Then we can ride over here together."

We finished making plans while Ben settled the bill and had them bring me my leftovers all wrapped up for my lunch tomorrow. I dug out my phone to get an uber when Edward said my name.

"Yes?"

"I can give you a ride Bella. I live close to you anyway. No need to get a ride and spend your money. I know teachers don't make much."

How did he know where I live? He knows I teach? Oh right, Ben. "How do you know where I live?" I blurted out. Darn wine.

Edward almost looked like he was blushing. He was looking down at his lap. "Bella, we live in the same complex. I see you with your dog every morning when I am coming back from running. I've lived there since January but since you never stuck around and chatted, I felt awkward approaching you. I honestly didn't know you lived there when I first moved in."

Kill me now.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 _Monday January 24, 2011_

 _I followed Edward back to Dr. Cullen's house. I felt weird. I mean, how many injuries had Dr. Cullen treated on me in the ER over the last 17 years or so and now I was just going to his house? I mean sure Ben Cullen and I had gone to school together since preschool (there was only one preschool in town in 1993 and that was Angela's Dad's church-First Presbyterian) but that didn't mean we were best friends or anything. Besides, Angela had been crushing on him since I could remember and besties do not even entertain guys that their friend is crushing on._

 _He suddenly pulled off the main highway about 6 miles outside of town into a super long and tree covered driveway. Good thing I drove the Beast-and Edward better not say jack about my 1953 truck. Charlie gave this to me the day I got my license and it was awesome._

 _We went in through the garage and the kitchen was straight out of one of those fancy magazines-I could live in here! I was touching the countertop while looking at it lovingly when Edward interrupted my thoughts. "Should I leave you two alone or..?" I looked up to see his stupid crooked smirk._

" _Whatever Cullen, you're just jealous I like this kitchen better than you." He made a scowl and muttered something that sounded like "I am" under his breath but I couldn't be sure._

 _We sat at the kitchen table and pulled out our stuff to study. "So Wednesday is the Unit 1 part A test covering chapters 1-2 on the chemistry of life. Lucky us that Banner was separating this unit into chapters 1-2 this week and then 3-4 next week. Are you writing the vocab words like Banner suggested?" I took out my notecards and waved them in front of Edward._

" _I aced AP Psychology and Earth and Environmental Science exams last spring using this method. Banner may look clueless but he actually isn't."_

 _Edward looked surprised. "How many AP classes have you taken?"_

" _All that Forks has offered plus 2 online through the virtual school. AP World History, English IV, Bio, and Calculus A will make 10 for me. I took 2 community college courses over the summer so I hope I have enough to go in as a sophomore in the fall. I applied for early decision but am waiting on scholarship info from U-dub and State. My parents can't afford out of state with Dad being a cop and Mom a kindergarten teacher."_

" _Yeah I should have 22 credits going into Northwestern, if I end up there. I also applied to U-dub but my dad wants me back in Chicago so.."_

 _This was the most Edward had ever shared with me. I had no idea why he was here and his parents or his father at least, was still around. "Oh, your dad is in Chicago?" Edward looked at me strangely. "Yeah both he and my mom and my sister Heidi. I'm just here to finish my senior year then I am going back."_

 _This was getting weirder by the moment. "Why are you here with your Uncle Carlisle if you still have a family? Did you get in trouble or something?"_

 _Uh oh—Edward looked at me with so much anger, I swear his eyes were black. "No Bella, I didn't get into trouble, alright? My parents just wanted me to see where my dad grew up. He went to Forks High and I think graduated a couple years ahead of your dad. That's all." Obviously I had offended him so I just shrugged and turned back to the book._

 _I tried not to-I swear. I didn't want to "like" Edward but I couldn't help it. He had already covered this material back at his old school in September and was very patient explaining matter and elements. I took physics and chemistry in 9_ _th_ _and 10_ _th_ _grade but this was a good refresher. I kept looking at him from the left corner of my eye when I knew he wasn't looking. Damn, he was beautiful. No Bella, he said don't fall in love with him. Ugh, its only lust, not love. Who else was there here? Mike Newton or Tyler Crowley—gross._

 _Mom has yoga on Monday and Dad works the overnight shift so I knew I was going home to an empty house. I gathered up my stuff and noticed it was 6:55-WOW we had studied for nearly 4 hours? Whoa! "Thanks Edward, I'll see you tomorrow in class." I slung my bag over my shoulder and tried to take a step but my backpack was stuck on something. I tried to pull harder and still wouldn't budge. I slid my bag off my shoulder to see what was caught and turned around-Edward was holding onto the top handle._

" _Did you need something Edward?"_

" _Yeah I was gonna ask you to stay for supper. Esme always brings home takeout from Pacific Pizza and we always have too much. Do you like their pizza?"_

 _I smiled. "Sure! That's my fave around here. My parents are both gone so Mondays I am on my own for supper."_

 _I set my bag down and went to the restroom. When I returned, Esme had come in with 3 extra large pizzas-cheese, pepperoni, and bacon/hamburger-Edward's favorite apparently._

 _Esme knew me from…well forever…and hugged me. "Hi Bella! Edward told me you and him would be studying here most Mondays. I saw your mom going into Poser Yoga in PA when I left the office. She looks great! I should join her sometime! Haha" Everyone had to know everyone around here._

" _Yeah mom teaches one class at 6 then takes the advanced class at 7:30. She won't be home until 9:30 or so. Sometimes she gets a glass of wine with her advanced class group and is out later but she always calls me. Thanks for thinking of me for supper. I'm usually on my own."_

" _Nonsense! Ben only ever has Austin over and Edward is new. I was surprised he met you in class already! He wouldn't shut up about you—like we didn't know you!"_

" _Aunt Esme, please stop exaggerating. I merely asked you if I could have a study partner over Mondays-that's all."_

" _Edward, be serious."_

 _It was like watching ping pong with the two of them bantering. Edward talked about me with his aunt?_

 _Ben had come down when he heard his dad pull into the garage and was setting out paper plates and napkins on the counter next to the pizzas. "Hey Bella."_

" _Hey Ben. How are you?"_

" _Good-finishing up Ms. Cope's essay that's due Friday. Are you done?"_

" _Yeah, I finished it over the weekend and handed it in today. I have too much going on to delay essays for her."_

" _Of course! Did um..you and uh Angela wanna study for the test Friday?"_

 _Nice work Ben. "Yeah uh we study Thursdays at her house. I'm sure you could come over. I mean she asked you last semester. Come over any time. We study 5-7 since she works at after school until 4:45."_

 _Ben blushed redder than me! "Yeah ok maybe I will go sometime." Oh Ben, you never do and are so transparent._

" _Come over anytime Ben!"_

 _I dropped it to help Ben save face. "Hey Edward, I'm starving, let's eat!" I winked at him so he knew I was purposely changing the subject._

 _He winked back. "Of course Bella, where are my manners?"_

 _We had a great dinner-even though I stopped at 2 slices of pizza and one can of coke. Growing up with Emmett as my only sibling and only 1 girl cousin, how was I to know how much pizza two teenage boys could eat? I think Edward and Ben nearly ate an entire pizza each! I mean Emmett could put away food but he was an exception-or so I always thought._

 _All through supper, Edward laughed and joked around with his cousin, aunt, and uncle. He seemed so relaxed—he even touched my on my arm or leg from time to time. I felt like I was in heaven._

 _He walked me out to my truck when it was time for me to head home. "Good night Bella." Edward leaned in and kissed me on my cheek before closing my door. He had turned away and was heading back in the house. I barely remember the drive home. I think I kept my hand on my cheek the whole way._

"Ms. Swan, are we having 2 quizzes in this unit or 3?" asked Jessica Stanley. I had lapsed into the past again I guess. Darn Edward. "We will have 2 Jessica. Thanks for asking. Next Tuesday is the study guide with the quiz on Wednesday then the other quiz will be the Thursday after with WW1 and 2 test on Friday 12/14. " I smiled-I loved my freshies.

2:35pm dismissal bell rang and I sighed in relief. Yes 2 down, 18 days of school left before break. I graded everything during planning and we had late start tomorrow. Mr. Clark usually held training or a staff meeting early but canceled both due to the previous short week we had for Thanksgiving. I could grade 6th period work when I got to school in the morning. I headed over to Angela's room and she had her head down on her desk-looking like she was sobbing. I rushed over.

"Angela, what is wrong? Are you hurt or sick? " Angela looked up at me with wide eyes filled with tears. "Bella, you are going to be so mad at me. I forgot I had a doctor appointment the same time we are supposed to meet at Michael's. I called Ben in a frantic. He wants to go to so he asked Edward to go with you to the restaurant. Please don't hate me."

Like I could hate Angela, although maybe I wanted to throat punch someone. "No Angela, it's fine and of course he wants to go with you to your first doctor appointment! I should head out so I can let Frisco our and change into more casual clothes. Wait, how are you getting to your appointment. I drove you to school."

"Ben is waiting out in the parking lot. My appointment is at 3:15."

We walked out together and I slid into my car-no not the beast. That died in college. I drove a 2015 Nissan Rogue. My mom and dad gave it to me on my 22nd birthday 3 years ago. I was still driving their old Honda at the time.

I walked Frisco and then went back inside to change into more casual clothes. My skirt had been driving me crazy all day with hose and rain. Ugh! I had just slid on my Henley long-sleeve shirt when the doorbell rang. I stuck my feet back into my wellies and grabbed my bag with my notebook and umbrella then opened the door. "Edward, what are you doing here? I'm about to head to the restaurant."

"I thought we could go together. I saw you walking Frisco so I knew you were home. My car is parked right out front."

I closed my mouth when I thought about what he said. I shrugged and closed my door then locked it. I would not make a big deal our of this. It was just a ride.

Oh man was I wrong. I thought last night's tension in the car was because I was a little buzzed. That draw I felt years ago was 10 times as intense. I thought Edward might feel it to but he was white knuckling the gear stick and had a clenched jaw. Great, I'm probably projecting my feelings again. He did tell me when we parted the he had told me we were never a good idea. My therapist (the one I stuck with) told me to either get closure or move on. I was never good at following directions but I did need to move on. I decided to make conversation so we felt less awkward.

"Hey, so what do you do for a living where you can be home in the afternoon? I'm sorry I never asked."

Edward chuckled a little. "Remember that I wanted to major in business? Well I got through my 1st year and was bored so I double majored in computer science. I do consulting work so my house is my office. I got a big contract with a Seattle based company last December and wanted to live back out west so I settled on Port Angeles."

"Wow well, that's great. I'm doing exactly what I wanted to do and am teaching high school, but you already know that."

"Yeah, Ben told me. Didn't you want to pursue Psychology too?"

"Huh, you remember that? I double majored too-Psychology and Social Studies secondary education. It really helps with understanding teenagers."

We arrived at Michael's and I felt a little bit of relief. I felt my questions bubbling to the surface but I knew I needed to bury them. He never felt for me the way I felt for him and asking him would just make me feel awful about myself.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 _February 14, 2011_

 _Lucky me-Valentine's Day falls on a Monday which means "study non-date with Edward" or as I like to call it "pretend studying while constantly staring at Edward's jawline and fantasizing about kissing him." I mean, I don't think I'm totally unfortunate looking. I had long brown hair that was slightly curly but not frizzy. I was 5"4' and weigh about 140lbs-most of which is in my boobs. Thanks Mom and grandma. I mean size 7 pants are average but I feel like I have to constantly hide my double Ds. Ugh. I was asked out by Eric today because Angela turned him down—again. It does great for a girl's self esteem to be the last choice! Well at least Newton got a date with Lauren before I could be his last choice like last year._

 _I pulled up to Edward's house and it was dark. No one answered the door and I checked the time. Edward said he's be here right after school, right? I turned to go back to my truck when the front door opened. "Hey Edward, it was so quiet and dark. I thought you forgot."_

" _Hey Bella, come on in."_

 _I walked inside and the entryway was lit with tealight candles leading into the dining room. I looked at Edward with a confused face. "What's going on? Did I interrupt your date?"_

 _Edward took my hand and started leading me into the dining room. He did that a lot on the 2 days a week we studied. I thought it was because I was often clumsy. "Edward, what is going on?"_

 _He pulled out a chair and guided me to sit down. I did and looked back up to him. He kneeled beside my chair. "Bella, I have tried for almost a month and I can't do it anymore. I told you I don't date and that is true. I want that to change. Bella, will you be my Valentine?"_

 _I was speechless and my mind was blank. Edward reached up and wiped my cheek. I didn't even notice I was crying. "I'm sorry Bella. I thought…I just have liked you from the moment I met you in AP Bio. I must have misunderstood. I understand you are trying to let me down but its ok. Maybe you should just…"_

 _I grabbed onto his shoulder to stop him. "Edward, I'm crying because I am happy. I like you. Matter of fact I think I may even…" Edward stopped me and put his finger on my lips. "Bella, will you shut up and let me kiss you now?"_

 _Seriously, the best first kiss in the history of first kisses. Although I had nothing to compare it to except for the time in 8_ _th_ _grade I thought I liked Jasper Whitlock when he transferred from Stevens Middle School in Port Angeles. He was only there for 8_ _th_ _grade and went back to PA high. I saw him at football games but alas, it was not meant to be. I don't care for blondes anyway._

Friday December 1, 2018

Why was I thinking of that kiss? Well the catering menu at Michael's was fantastic and they had no problem doing a steak, seafood, and pasta dish for the reception. Angela was thrilled. Although her wedding was small, her parents were throwing a reception for 200 people. Angela is their only daughter and she did have tons of relatives so I guess it made sense. I guess I was thinking of that first kiss because Edward kissed me Tuesday night after he brought me back home. I mean, it was nothing like our first kiss but he did kiss me. Maybe he meant to kiss me on my cheek and I turned to see what he was doing so close to my head but whoa was that a great kiss. It lasted only about 30 seconds but he definitely was into it. I was just opening my mouth to hm when he gave me a few quick pecks and told me good night. He left out of there like a bat out of hell or maybe like his pants were on fire. Mine sure felt like it!

I hadn't seen Edward since then but he had been texting me every day. We exchanged numbers since we were the only people in the wedding—you know for planning purposes. We had yet to text or talk about the wedding. Mostly it was good morning or how was my day going. My favorites were at 10pm when he would text me "Sweet Dreams xo E". What was happening? Was I going down this road again? Was I going to fall in love with him again? My heart tried to tell me I had never fallen out of love with him but my brain was shutting it up. It had to be hanging around teenage hormones all the time. Yeah, that sounded about right.

Angela pulled me out of my musings after the last bell. "Hey Ben and I are thinking about Gastropub tonight. Edward's never been and wanted to check it out for Ben's Bachelor Party next week. Why don't you join us? Alice said she was coming and bringing a date. I bet Emmett and Rose could come—aren't your parents babysitting Violet?" Wow she is definitely pregnant. I think she got all of that out in one breath.

"Sure, what time? Casual dress, right?" I looked down at my jeans and PA high polo shirt-I loved Fridays.

"Bella, yes but for Pete's sake, please change your shirt and put on some decent shoes. Those sneakers have seen better days."

"Ok Angela but I don't see what the big deal is. I don't have a date and no one is gonna be anyone different. Wait did you say Alice is bringing a date? Is it the baby daddy?"

"Oh Lord, I have no idea. She just said your Aunt Catherine was babysitting and she wanted a date night. Edward said he would bring you so he'll be by to pick you up. I gotta go—see you soon."

Why was I nervous all of a sudden? I just saw him 2 days ago—the night of that glorious kiss. Ugh Bella—it was only a kiss-now I'm quoting the Killers-shoot me now.

A knock on the door startled me and sent Frisco to yapping. This time I looked through the peephole and saw it was Edward. I opened the door and told him to come in while I put Frisco in his crate. My dog, the betrayer, had other ideas. No dachshunds are friendly but particular dogs. However, Frisco didn't even bother sniffing and just jumped right up on Edward like he was his long lost friend.

"Hey there Frisco! How ya doing buddy?" Edward was petting him right on the ears, just like that, the blackguard.

"Edward, I have to crate him while we are gone or else he will drive the neighbors crazy. C'mon Frisco-go night night." He gave Edward one last look then trotted over to his crate and beloved blanket. I gave him a milkbone since it seemed harder for him this time.

Edward chatted away about my dog and how he was a sweetie the whole way to Gastropub. I laughed and laughed. "I had no idea my dog would impress you so much. My chihuahua in high school sure didn't."

"That dog was a bastard Bella and you know it. Mimi bit my finger the first time I came over to pick you up—you remember that?"

"Edward, I warned you that chihuahuas don't like many people and that Mimi had to warm up to you. You just didn't listen. Its not like she broke the skin."

"She pissed on me too Bella. Stop laughing-its not funny."

"That poor dog died an old girl 4 years ago. Dang, she was like 10 when you met her. She lived to be nearly 14 until she died from brain cancer. Don't hate on the dead Edward."

He mumbled the whole way into the restaurant while I laughed at him. Poor Mimi, she was a sweet dog to our family but Edward should have waited for her to approach him.

I thought I'd had my share of being shocked this last week. First Angela's engagement, then the pregnancy, seeing Edward, sharing a kiss, remembering the past, but nothing and I mean NOTHING prepared me for when Alice walked in with her date. Except it was clear this was not a first date or even a first boyfriend. She walked in with none other than Jasper Whitlock.

They sat down and Jasper was obviously in love judging by the adoring looks he was giving her. "Alice Brandon, can you come with me to the restroom? I have a question about Ange's bachelorette party that I want to run by you."

As soon as we were out of signt, I laid into her. "Mary Alice Higgenbotham Deveraux Brandon, just what in the hell are you playing at? Is Jasper your baby daddy?"

I swear on every gun my daddy possesses that I have never seen Alice look shameful in all my 25 years but I did just then. "Bella, I love him. I've never told anyone because…well…he's the reason my marriages ended and yes he is #4's daddy. My ex husbands all knew I was in love with him but thought they could marry me for my money. They always cheated on me first but I never loved them like I love Jasper."

What the hell? "Alice, how long have you been with Jasper? I haven't seen him in like 8 years or so..since high school."

"Bella, do we have to get into this right now? Mom and Dad have no idea and I swear I am dead meat if they find out. They caught us on our first date back in 2010 when I was a junior. He asked me to prom and I accepted. We were making out in the dairy queen parking lot up in Sequim and Daddy just happened to be driving by—he was going to get some part. Anyway, daddy pulled me out of the car and told me I was never to see him again. I got so mad that I started dating Felix to spite Daddy and well…you know I married him right after graduation because I was pregnant. That ended poorly and I ran into Jasper at Target the night we split up. I was crying in the baby section and he was working there to pay for college. We ended up seeing each other secretly. I knew I couldn't see him out in the open and he ended it about a year later. Well then I started dating Jamie to make him jealous and well…I got pregnant with the twins that year and had to marry him. I honestly tried to make it work but when I found out he was related to James Hunter, that creeper my mom dated in high school, I was turned off. Jamie left with that Victoria slut and I was alone again. I went to Target and cried again and Jasper found me. We've been together ever since but you cannot tell anyone else. He wants to marry me but I don't know. I am a failure at marriage even though I own my own shop and am the best wedding planner around."

I had no idea what to say. This was a lot to digest. "This is a lot to take in Alice but you are my favorite cousin. If he is who you want, I will support you. Aunt Catherine and Uncle Allen will just have to accept your choice. God, are you trying to tell me you've been seeing Jasper for nearly 8 years?"

"Well almost 9 because it was February of 2010 but take out 2 years for Felix and Jamie-so 6 or 7? Steadily since 2013. Bella, I love him. He thinks I am ashamed of him because he's the store manager at Target but I swear I'm not. I'm ashamed of me. I mean God I am 25 years old with 3 baby daddies. Who would want me?"

"Alice, he wants you. How did you come out with him tonight?"

"I told him I was not ashamed and he told me to prove it or he was going to end it. Hes hurt so I told him I was going out with a client and my cousins. He was thrilled. Are you mad?"

I hugged her tight and whispered words of encouragement to her. She jumped into "Alice mode" and quickly fixed her makeup. I couldn't even tell she had been crying.

The rest of the night went great. We all had a little too much to drink (except for Alice and Angela) and shared hilarious stories from growing up. Emmett, of course, had to talk about how I cried before and after my wisdom teeth came out because I thought I wouldn't be wise anymore (it was the drugs I swear).

Jasper actually talked about our one and only kiss and how for years I was "the one that got away"—Edward looked a little jealous until I assured him 8th grade was a long time ago. We all laughed about that. Angela drove Edward's car to drop us off while Alice drove Emmett's jeep and drove everyone else home. We agreed to meet up at 11 for brunch and to get everyone else's cars.

The only weird part about the night was when Rosalie pulled me aside and asked me when I was gonna "jump bronze boy's bones cause he is hot as shit." She must have been loaded because she never comments about any man except for my brother.

At least that was the only weird part until I woke up at my usual 6am. Frisco was asleep by my stomach as usual but I must have had all the pillows behind my back because I couldn't move and I had to pee. At least I thought it was pillows until an arm clamped down around my middle and I heard a voice whisper "Where are you going?". Oh shit.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _Saturday February 26, 2011_

 _Another Saturday at Newton's. Good thing was I worked the morning shift so I got off work at 5. Edward wanted to hang out so I was driving over there right after work. My curfew was midnight so that gave us a long time to spend together. Ben was going to some Karate movie festival in Port Angeles with Austin, Angela was babysitting, and Alice, well she was out with Felix again. Emmett was coming home next week for Spring Break with his new girlfriend Rosalie. She sounded pretty but Emmett was different. I guess being 20 and in his 2_ _nd_ _year of college, he was finally growing up! Mom was ecstatic he had been seeing the same girl or 2 months and told him to bring her home to visit. He was spending 3 days of break with us then they were going down to Olympia to spend the second half with Rose's family. She had a little brother still in elementary school that she adored-Benji._

 _Edward and I had been "official" for a week now. He asked me last Saturday to "be his girlfriend" and we were together every day. Well together in school and on study days. He would randomly show up at work when I was there to buy shoe laces or a carabiner for rock climbing or something equally insignificant as an excuse. I kept wondering how many under $10 items he could buy before he ran out of stuff to buy! He didn't have to buy anything. When Mike worked a shift, his friends stopped by all the time to chat when we had down time. Mrs. Newton would extend me the same courtesy. I'd worked there since the summer before I was 16 and only called out once junior year when I was sick with the flu for 10 days._

 _He met me at my truck and opened my door before I even turned it off. "Edward, what in the world-" He stopped me with a toe curling kiss. After we came up for air, I said hello._

" _Bella, I can't wait. I have to tell you. I got into U-dub. I also got in-state tuition as well as $10,000 a year scholarship! We can be together!" My mouth was open in shock. We never really discussed it, although he did know of my plans. I knew his parents missed him (although I still really didn't get why he was in Forks) and wanted him to go to Northwestern. His dad was a lawyer and from what I heard, they were not hurting for money. His dad went to Northwestern and wanted Edward to go there too._

" _What do you think?"_

" _I-I-that's great Edward! I didn't think you would accept it. I thought your parents wanted you to go back home."_

" _I talked with my dad today. They are gonna fly me home at the end of March for the long weekend for conferences. He was thrilled for me. U-dub is also accepting all of my AP courses and I can start as a sophomore. Northwestern will too but hasn't offered me any money. We can stay together Bella!"_

 _My heart was full. We could stay together! I mean u-dub hadn't offered me scholarship money yet but they did say by March 1. It was only February 26 so I had a few days to go. I just hugged and kissed Edward back._

" _Bella, I know you are too good for me but I want to tell you. I love you Bella. Don't ever doubt that. I will always love you."_

" _Edward, you are perfect for me. Don't ever say different. I love you too."_

 _Edward and I "watched movies" the rest of the night in the movie room. I couldn't tell you a single movie or plot, but I think Will Smith was in 2 of them. We made out on the couch until 11:35-I knew I absolutely had to leave to get home by midnight. This was a perfect night._

December 8, 2018

Oh my God. Did I sleep with Edward? I mean I remember I was buzzed—Angela drove us home. It was barely 11pm but teaching all week plus her being pregnant had her falling asleep early. Ben was spending the night at her place anyway. I think he was moving into her place since she had 2 bedrooms and his was only 1 plus she was already pregnant and couldn't get more pregnant. They were engaged. Anyway, I had to tell myself to focus. "Edward, what are you doing here?"

"Mmm Bella, I didn't want to leave so you told me to stay if I wanted. You passed our pretty quickly and I was going to leave. You started sleep talking so I stayed awake until the alcohol caught up with me. You aren't mad, are you?" I wasn't but I felt myself falling again. Was that a dream I just had? Edward told me he loved me and we were staying together? Oh right, that was just a memory. Less than 4 months after his declaration he was taking it all back. That woke me up.

I was fully clothed except for my shoes but I pulled the blanket up around me anyway. "What did I say?"

Edward, fully clothed too, sat straight up. "What are you doing? You don't think I would take advantage of you? "

He got up and found his shoes. Uh oh. The scowl was back. I really needed to pee but I wanted to talk.

"Wait. I literally just woke up. I need to pee and I haven't finished sleeping. Just wait."

I went and did my business, then changed into some pj pants. Jeans were uncomfortable. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I returned to my bedroom. Edward was still sitting on the side of my bed. Frisco was trying to get some pets in. I returned to laying down.

"C'mon Edward. I am not done sleeping. We don't have to be up for a few more hours."

Edward gave me a very doubtful look but returned to his position snuggling me. Frisco gave up and came around to the front of my body and laid back down too. "Are you mad?"

"No Edward. I just didn't remember. Its ok. We have done nothing wrong. What did I say?"

"Mostly my name and please stay. You were so adorable I couldn't resist."

"Mostly? What else?"

"Nothing important. Don't worry." He leaned in a pecked me on the lips. That woke me up and I sat straight up.

"What was that for?"

"What was what?"

"That kiss. Why did you kiss me?"

"Uh, because you were so cute and warm and sleepy. Why, am I not allowed to kiss you?" I so did not want to have this conversation on Saturday morning when the sun wasn't even fully out. "No, I mean you can but I mean, what does it mean?"

Edward ran his hand through his hair. "Bella, why does it have to mean anything. Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss."

He laid back down with a sigh. "I don't mean it like that Edward but I don't think you should kiss me if you are seeing anyone. I mean I am not but I don't want to assume it means something."

"Aren't you seeing me?" Hold up, what?

".."

"I said, aren't you seeing me? I mean aren't we seeing each other again? I am not asking for a label Bella but aren't we dating?"

"When did we go on a date?"

"Bella, we went out Tuesday then last night. We've kissed 2 other times. I mean I assumed you wanted this but maybe I misunderstood."

My brain just couldn't process this all. Was it real or was I still in the dream but jumped ahead? "Can we talk about this later, when I am more awake? I need more sleep." I know, lame ass answer but it was all I could come up with.

"Sure Bella. I have my phone set for 9:30. Get some more rest." He snuggled against me and I immediately felt drowsy and sleepy again. I almost thought I heard him whisper "I'm not giving you up this time" as I faded into a deep sleep.

" _Bella, I told you over and over again but you didn't listen. I told you I was no good for and for you not to fall in love. Take care of yourself." Edward leaned in to kiss me and I felt relief. He kissed my cheek then walked out the door. He got into his Volvo, dressed in his tux from the wedding, and walked away. Alice, what is she doing here? "Bella, he was never meant to be with you sweetie. You read too much into it just like in high school." Wait this is not a memory? It's happening all over again?_

Nooooo—I woke myself up crying with Edward shaking me and his phone alarm blaring. "Bella Bella, I'm here. Its ok. You re safe with me. Wake up baby."

I looked down at Frisco looking up at me then to my back with Edward's hands still on my shoulders. It was all a dream. I fell back to my pillow and sighed. Edward finally released me and silenced his alarm. I felt him moving behind me, probably to get his shoes and go back to his place. Angela said she'd be over by 10:45 so we could meet up with everyone at 11.

I was still lying there staring into outer space when Edward walked to me and crouched down on my side of the bed. He took my head in his hand and kissed my forehead, eyelids, nose, and then my mouth. I honestly didn't mean to deepen it, I just couldn't help myself. I was tugging at his hair by his nape and he was making these moaning sounds. Next thing I know, I've pulled him on top of me and we are touching full on body to body. I needed air but this felt so good. I couldn't help when I moved my legs and his lower half fell between them.

A bucket of cold water would have been less of a shock. Edward was suddenly by the door and I was bewildered how our make out session came to a sudden end. "Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get carried away. I have less than an hour to go home and get ready plus I'm sure you need to walk Frisco. I'll be back at 10:45." Less than 30 seconds later I heard my front door close. I still had no idea what happened. I mean he was giving me sweet kisses but I totally took over with shoving my tongue in his mouth and then pulling him on me. Did he really think he was taking advantage of me?

Hey wait, did he tell me we were seeing each other? That we had been dating all week? What? I grabbed my phone and sent him a text.

 **I have no idea why you left in such a hurry but we really need to talk. Did I dream it or did you say we were seeing each other? Bella**

I threw on my jacket and leashed Frisco. I knew he had to pee. I went over to the "dog park" area and he took his sweet time. That was ok. I sat on the bench inside the gate and went over everything the past week. I just couldn't separate my dreams from the past and what had really happened this morning. I felt completely in the dark. I was going to demand Edward talk to me about what all went down years ago. I looked around at the other apartments. I had no idea which one he lived in but knew he could see me when I was at the park. That means he lived in the back part of A, B, or C building while I lived on the ground floor of B. My patio faced the poolside of the complex, not the side where the dog park was. I pulled out my phone and noticed he had texted me back.

 **Are you going to break up with me? Edward**

Break up? I was really confused. I sent him a reply.

 **Edward, I didn't even realize we were seeing each other or even exclusive. I ahven't seriously dated anyone for over a year. I just want to talk. I know we can't at brunch but how about you come over for supper at 6? I'll make lasagna and we can talk privately. Bella**

 **Ok but I am bringing the wine and salad. Edward**

I smiled. Maybe tonight I would finally get some answers.


	8. Chapter 7

_Tuesday March 1, 2011_

 _I worked 4-close tonight but my Mom asked me to stop home before my shift. Sometimes she had a list of stuff for me to get from the grocery store next door so this was not unusual. I told Edward I had to go home right after dismissal so I could get the list from my mom and make it back to work by 4. We only kissed in the parking lot for 10 minutes—ok 15. I made it home by 3:30 and saw Dad's cruiser was in the driveway. I knew he worked overnight last night but he usually went in noon to 7 on Tuesdays._

 _I walked in and my parents were both sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. "Hey mom, do you have that list and cash for me? I have to leave in about 15 minutes. I forgot my name tag so I'm gonna run upstairs and grab it." I turned to walk away and heard dad speak "Isabella, please sit down." Isabella? Oh shit. Someone died or got fired or something. I turned back and sat down._

 _Mom started. "Bella, baby, there is no list. We just have some wonderful news!" Mom pushed a big package towards me from University of Washington-UW or Udub. It wasn't opened but it was a huge package. I opened it slowly and pulled out the paperwork. Dear Miss Isabella Swan, we are pleased to offer you the president's scholarship….."Oh my God, I got a full ride!" I started jumping all over the room and my parents joined in! I was soon smothered in kisses and was being squeezed half to death by my parents. My dad was grumbling about how his baby girl was so smart and mom was crying about her baby. I was ecstatic my parent's cost for my school would be minimal. Emmett had a full ride for football and now I did for academics. I know they would have made a way but being firmly middle class and not "poor" meant my parents were expected to cough up most of the cost. I didn't want to do that to them._

 _Dad broke the hug first then declared we were all going out to the Lodge for dinner. I was all happy until I remembered I had to go to work. It was 3:50. "No I have to go. Mrs. Newton will be upset I am late."_

 _Dad interrupted. "Baby, we called her at noon when we got the mail. We assumed it was good news and she said congratulations. Mike's baseball practice was called off due to rain so he is taking your shift."_

 _Whew that was a relief Wait, Edward. "Can I…?"_

" _Bella, we already called the family and Esme. Everyone is meeting us there at 5 to celebrate. You have about 45 minutes to go dress nicely and then we will take Mom's Honda to the restaurant."_

" _Thank you Daddy!" I haven't called him that since I was 7 but whatever. I raced up the stairs to call Edward, then I had to call Angela._

December 8, 2018 5:55pm

Brunch went well and we all got our cars back. Jasper had work so Alice picked up his car for him. Turns out he lives in Forks and commutes. Alice lives in PA on the outskirts of town so they are really only 40 minutes apart. She should just move him in already. I mean she has a 5 bedroom house and the twins share a room. How many guest rooms does she need? Plus her basement is fully done with a bedroom down there. She could always move one of the kids down there when they are older. I mean 3600 square feet and the house is paid for. Why is Jasper renting a small 2 bedroom house by Forks. I had my own problems to sort-like Edward and his overly affectionate self at brunch. I could barely eat with the hand holding. I needed some answers.

Frisco let me know Edward was there before he even knocked. I swear that dog loved him more than me—well almost as much as me. I opened the door after Frisco wouldn't stop barking. Edward looked so cute with his hand raised to knock.

"Come in, lasagna just came out and bread is almost ready." I walked away assuming he would enter and close the door.

I just got the bread out of the oven and took off my oven mitts. Edward pressed himself against my back and kissed my neck. I turned around and gave him a proper kiss. When we parted, he opened his huge canvas bag and presented me with pink carnations (my favorite) then a container with salad and a huge bottle of wine.

"Edward, you remembered!" I quickly found a vase from when my parents sent me flowers my first day of work this year—they did it every year. I filled it with water and arranged the flowers. They were pink carnations but I noticed he had several pink flowers such as roses and lilies mixed in. "Oh, this is beautiful."

"The florist fixed it up when I told her you loved pink carnations. Of course I remember Bella, I've never dated anyone but you."

The vase left my hands as I stood in shock but thankfully Edward caught them before it shattered. He placed them carefully on the table then came back and took my hands.

"Bella, are you ok? Did I say something wrong?"

I could only swallow and shake my head. "Let me plate our food." Edward shook his head in response. He led me to the table and sat me down. "Let me, You need a drink." He quickly returned with a full glass of wine that I chugged. He returned with 2 plates filled with bread, lasagna, and salad plus homemade vinaigrette and the wine bottle tucked under his arm.

"Eat a few bites Bella and we can talk about everything. Please?"

I nodded and took a few bites while he refilled my wine glass. I only noticed him when I heard his moans. I'd heard those moans before but from over 7 years ago.

He saw me staring. "This is absolutely fucking delicious Bella. How did I not ever try your lasagna before? Don't tell Aunt Esme but this is way better than hers."

I giggled behind my hand then did a full out belly laugh. He joined in and I felt the tension ease. We finished eating and he brought me to the couch to sit. He insisted on cleaning up then spied the chocolate cake on the counter.

He joined me 10 minutes later with both of our wine glasses refilled. I turned to face him, ready for all of it. Edward picked up my hand and gently kissed each of my fingertips then my wrist before lacing his fingers with mine.

"Bella, I was never honest with you all those years ago and I need to be now."

Deep Breath…..

Edward told me everything. He had been date raped the fall of his senior year by some bitch named Tanya. She had graduated the year before and was home for Thanksgiving. Edward was at a party and was drinking coke. He tole me he rarely drank at high school parties because he often was the responsible one. Anyway, he was spending the night at his friend's house, Gary somebody, and decided to have one drink-crown and coke. He knew Tanya had a thing for him before and was flattered but "I prefer brunettes Bella and she was a strawberry blonde." Edward was aa virgin. While he had been on a couple of dates and had kissed some girls, he was never serious. Once Tanya saw he was making a drink, she told him she would "fix it up special". He figured "Why not?"-he was right there and no one would try to rape a guy.

"I was so wrong. I woke up with just my underwear on feeling worse than any flu I had ever had. I had only ever been drunk once before and this did not feel like a hangover. I had all of these scratches on my hands and chest. I thought maybe I had passed out and fallen or something. Boy I wished that was all it had been. 2 days later the whole school was buzzing about some video. Gary pulled me aside and kept saying sorry, sorry. I had no idea what he was talking about. Bree Tanner, another senior that I had studied with in AP Psychics the year before, stopped me on my way to lunch. She felt someone would show me. I about passed out. There was a video going around on facebook with me passed out and Tanya having sex with me. Apparently I kept waking up and fighting to get her off then passed out again."

I was shocked and wanted to cut a bitch. How awful? So this is why Edward moved to Forks 2nd semester? This had nothing to do with him leaving.

"Edward, I am so sorry this happened. What does this have to do with anything? Is this why you moved?"

"Yes, mom and dad knew I wanted to press charges and we went to his senior partner at the law firm with the evidence. It turned into a criminal case from there but one sergeant said I couldn't have been raped because I had an erection. I was so embarrassed plus angry that I was taken advantage of. All of the guys thought I was a pussy for fighting her off while girls I never even spoke with started stalking me all the time. Dad says…well never mind."

"No he said what?"

"My 'manhood' made me a celebrity with them. I didn't care, I felt violated. Anyway, after they took some blood samples and photographed my hands and chest, we had to wait until January for the first hearing. Tanya's family has way more money than mine so she had the top lawyer in the state. Volturi's-3 attorney brothers-are ruthless. They got a bunch of guys I didn't even know to testify that I came on to Tanya and that I bragged about how I pretended I was raped as part of role playing. Mom and Dad got on the phone with Uncle Carlisle and they offered me to come out to Washington to get away from it. I didn't want to but I felt like I could have peace of mind if I did, plus Ben is cool so…."

Whew this was a lot to take in. All Edward had ever told me was his dad wanted him to see where he had grown up. I never believed it fully but I respected his privacy.

"That's not all Bella. I never meant to fall in love with you. I knew I was going to go back eventually. I mean Dad was very supportive of me staying in Washington then I got the scholarship and thought it was settled."

"You started acting weird after that trip in March. Remember? We had a great month after we found out about my scholarship but you left for the 3 day weekend. You came back and acted weird—like sullen. Then you would snap out of it."

 _Wednesday March 30_

 _Edward and I were studying for our test on chapters 15-16. We had one final unit test next week then the next month was review. He was late coming to Mocha Motion. It was already 8am and we had only 1 hour before we had to be at school. We didn't get to study Monday because his flight came into PA around 8 and he got home around 9:30. Mom got home at the same time and told me to wait to see him tomorrow. We hardly had time to breathe Tuesday because of the sports and academic signing assembly the last 2 hours of the day. Plus I had to work Tuesday afternoon. I was looking forward to this morning._

 _Edward pulled up about 8:10 and looked like "sullen Cullen" as Ben liked to call him. Edward was just a deep thinker. He saw me and smiled my special smile for a moment then his face went blank. After a super quick peck, he pulled out his notes and book and we studied until we had to get to class. He still held my hand to and from class but there was a strain or tension there._

 _I waited for him right after school. He had French IV during French II while I had AP English IV. He slowly walked up to me and gave me a hug. "What's wrong Edward? You've been distant all day. I'm worried about you. Are you ok?"_

" _I'm fine Bella, just get off my back ok? I am still jet lagged and have a lot of stuff on my mind with school._

 _I shut up then because he did seem tired and had dark circles under his eyes. I thought maybe he had been fighting with his parents about college but didn't know how to bring it up._

" _Mimi misses you and says hello." That got him to smile. He hated that dog but they tolerated each other ever since he knew she loved bacon. He brought her a piece every time he came over Now she pretended to like him to get the bacon but would ignore him after she got her treat, the little shit._

" _Yeah I bet she does—she hasn't had a treat in a week."_

" _Wanna come for dinner? I'm making fried chicken. My homework isn't too bad so we could watch a movie? Mom and Dad are both out after supper. Mom has book club at 7 and dad is overnight."_

 _He agreed to come over—I'm sure it was the fried chicken. We had a great evening and even managed a few hours of make out time before he had to leave for his own 10pm curfew. That was the first night he touched me. I mean it was over the clothes but we had never done anything besides kiss. It felt amazing._

"Bella, I remember that night at your house. That is probably in the top 5 best nights of my life. You were so sexy."

I smiled back. He made me feel sexy at the time.

"That night I decided to pretend my Chicago problems didn't exist and to focus on my life in Forks. It all came back to bite me in the ass though."


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 _Spring Break last week of April 2011_

 _Yes an entire week to spend with Edward with no homework. Sure I had to study for my upcoming AP exams but I was going to enjoy just being with him. Mrs. Newton put me on Monday day and Wednesday day shifts so I could earn some extra money. Plus I think she wanted some alone time with her husband-eww whatever. I was appreciative for the cash. $7 an hour was good pay and I wanted to save for spending money in the fall._

 _Edward and I were spending all day together. I had worked the last 2 Saturdays so I could switch both Spring Break Saturdays with Mike. Next week we had 3 AP study sessions at school for last minute review and I wanted this Saturday to be free._

 _Edward convinced me to go exploring on his Aunt and Uncle's property. He brought a machete in case we came across any "creatures". It was a beautiful spring day in the upper 50s—hey its Forks. No rain and no wind makes it a beautiful day. We came across this gorgeous meadow about a mile past the river heading towards Mt. Rainier. I was so glad I brought a picnic basket and blanket. We laid around and ate, made out, talked, made out some more. Edward told me over and over again he loved me and would love me forever. It was also the first time We were both shirtless—well I had my bra on but no shirt. Edward's eyes had completely bugged out of his head. He kept kissing the tops of my breasts and saying "I had no idea, I had no idea." I was embarrassed until he made me look into his eyes to see he really thought I was beautiful. He told me he thought I had a nice rack with clothes on and the few time we groped but had no idea I was this..er…well endowed with the girls. I laughed internally because my mom said my future husband would adore my large chest—not that Edward was my future husband. I could see forever with him._

 _Edward and Ben agreed not to be roommates as they worried they would get on each others' nerves. Then Ben announced he was going to Northwestern just like his Uncle Edward and Carlisle. He was going to allow the "luck of the draw" for a roommate. I was rooming with Angela. Alice had announced that she was pregnant and marrying Felix the weekend after Father's Day so no college for her. I was just happy that Edward had sent in his deposit by May 1. My Dad happily sent the $100 check in for me too._

" _Bella, do you really love me? I mean you could do so much better. I sometimes think I love you way more than you love me." Edward was talking crazy. How could I do better than perfection?_

" _Edward, look at me." I grabbed his face in my hands. "I love you just as much if not more than you love me. I want to make love to you but you have been the voice of reason and told me we aren't ready. I'm already on the pill. We have my house to ourselves every Monday and sometimes we can be alone at your house. Why do you think I don't love you as much?"_

" _Oh Bella, I love you so much. I'm sorry baby—I know you love me." Then he would kiss me and I would forget all about his doubts. I should have paid more attention._

December 8, 2018

"Edward, what aren't you telling me?"

"I had heard a rumor back in March that Tanya was pregnant. I saw her briefly at the mall and she looked a little pudgy but not 5 months pregnant. I dismissed it but it was always in the back of my mind. It all came crashing down 2 days before my birthday. See Dad wanted to support me going to Udub but still wanted me to have options. He also paid my deposit to Northwestern. That night, do you remember June 18?"

How could I forget?

 _Saturday June 18, 2011_

 _Dad was on an overnight shift and Mom was visiting her parents in Sequim. Since I was so dependable, they let me stay home. I had worked 8-5pm and they thought I was coming straight home. I was but Edward was "spending the night" with Emmett at my house. Oh, Emmett was in Olympia with Rose for Father's Day. Everyone would be home by noon tomorrow for a Father's Day cookout. I knew I had at least 12 hours with Edward alone._

 _Our physical relationship had been progressing very slowly. We had gotten down to underwear only—no bra for me. Edward could make me feel so good just with his mouth. He hadn't really touched me down there except for some dry humping. We both orgasmed last weekend. I felt ready. He was 18 in a few days and I would be 18 in September. We both were in love and committed to each other. It felt right._

 _We had dinner and watched some tv—or it was on while we were making out. I took the remote and turned off the tv. "Let's go upstairs Edward." I hope I whispered that seductively. It worked! He took my hand and let me lead him to my room._

 _We quickly undressed but this time I decided to be brave and took off my underwear before getting on the bed. "Bella, are you sure? I-I.."_

" _Yes Edward, I'm sure." Lips, teeth, tongue, fingers were exploring each other. I couldn't tell where my body ended and Edward's began. We both whispered "I love you" over and over again. I brought Edward to climax once and he brought me there TWICE. "Edward, please…I.."_

" _I know Bella. I just want to be sure. We don't have to go any further."_

 _I touched his face with my hand and made sure to look him straight in his eyes. "Edward, I love you. I'm ready."_

 _He pulled a condom out of his wallet (even though I was on the pill) and slowly rolled it on. We began kissing again. I felt him everywhere. "Edward, I'm ready" I whispered again. Edward blew out a breath he was holding and slowly pushed into me. I have never seen him look so beautiful—above me and fully connected to me in a way no other human had ever been I felt a little pain but the feeling that this man was truly all mine made my eyes fill with tears. One rolled down the side of my face as Edward looked at me. I could see the panic in his eyes. "No Edward, don't stop. I'm fine—these are happy tears."_

 _He leaned down to kiss me the same time the house phone rang and Edward's cell phone rang. I knew Dad was on an overnight and would call to check on me. It was 10pm so I had to answer it. We parted and I ran down the stairs to get the phone._

" _Hello?"_

" _Bella, its Dad."_

" _Hi Dad-I'm fine. I know you are calling to check in. Everything is fine. Talk soon Dad." I hung up quickly so I could head back upstairs. The phone rang again before I hit the first step. I turned around and went back to get it on the second ring. "Hello?"_

" _Bella, don't hang up. Yes I always call to check on you but that's not why I'm calling. Can you come down to the hospital? Billy and his family have been in a car accident and its serious."_

" _What? Oh no, are they ok?"_

" _Just come down. I'm in the ER and I'll meet you here." Dad hung up this time._

 _I raced back up the stairs just in time to see Edward hang up his phone. I started pulling on clothes while asking him if everything was ok. He was kind of dazed, almost in a trance. He was giving me one word answers._

" _Edward, that was my dad. I have to go to the hospital. His best friend was in an accident so he asked me to come down. I don't know how bad Billy is hurt. I'm sorry I have to go but I'll see you tomorrow for the BBQ, right?" Edward was shaking his head. "Edward?"_

" _Bella, I have to go. That was my dad. I have to go talk to Uncle Carlisle."_

" _Oh ok, call me when you can. I'll have my cell."_

 _I closed and locked the door behind me while Edward wandered towards his car. He was really acting strange. "Edward, I love you. Call me later, ok?" He just waved in my direction then got into his car. Huh, I hope he doesn't have bad news too._

 _Dad met me in the parking lot when he saw the truck. "Bella, thanks for coming. Listen, I thought you could sit with Jacob. His sisters are both on their way here but with one in Hawaii and the other in California, it could be hours before they arrive. "_

" _Sure Dad. Is he hurt? I haven't seen him for months, I guess Christmas?"_

" _Bella, the accident was serious. His mom didn't make it and Billy's condition is serious. I don't know…" Dad stopped talking and I could tell he was getting choked up. He cleared his throat "Mom is on her way back with Mimi. Is Emmett still home?"_

" _Er, I think he decided to go stay in Olympia with Rosalie."_

" _Yeah ok I'll call him. Come inside Bella. Jacob needs a friend."_

 _I stayed all night beside Jacob, just holding his hand and being present. Billy came out of surgery around 3am. He was stabilized but he lost both legs. We left around 6:30 in the morning when Rachel came in with her boyfriend. Rebecca was due to arrive around noon but a friend from La Push was picking her up._

 _Dad and I both collapsed at home. I briefly remembered him saying he called Carlisle and said we would need to postpone the BBQ. Shit Edward! I looked at my phone and had no missed calls or texts. I told myself that I would call him when I woke up. I should have called right then but sleep overtook me._

 _Edward texted me around 1 pm, just after I woke up, and asked me to meet him at Forks Elementary Playground. We met there sometimes to play on the swings so I didn't think anything about it._

 _I got there just as it was starting to get dark, around 9pm. He was sitting on one of the swings waiting._

" _Hey, I missed you." I bent down to kiss Edward but his body stiffened. Something wasn't right. "Are you ok?"_

" _Bella, we need to talk." Great, no conversation in the history of the universe ended well with that start._

 _I sat on the swing beside him and waited. "I am so so sorry about last night. I was completely wrong and should have never disrespected you that way."_

" _No Edward, I knew you had to go home and I was rushing to the hospital anyway." I was relieved we were going to get past the awkward goodbye._

" _No, I'm not apologizing for leaving last night. I'm sorry for what happened. It was a mistake and I take full responsibility."_

 _What? The greatest moment in my almost 18 years-being fully connected and sharing my body with him—he was apologizing for that?_

" _It never should have happened. I let this go to far and I am sorry."_

 _He stood and I just sat there dumbfounded._

" _What are you saying?"_

" _I'm leaving Bella. I've told you a hundred times this, us, was never a good idea."_

" _Edward, no…last night…what?"_

" _It was a mistake and I am really sorry for that." Edward made to pass me, and I grabbed his wrist. He stopped and stared at me while I stuttered over my words. "Sorry? A-a-a mistake? What? How can you say that? I…"_

 _He leaned towards me and I immediately felt relief. He was going to kiss me—he wasn't leaving. He did love me._

" _Goodbye Bella and take care of yourself." A brief kiss on the cheek was all I received and then he was gone._

 _Love. Life. Meaning. Over_

 _I was practically a zombie that summer. Ben, Esme, and Carlisle all told my parents that Edward had been called home and they didn't really know what was going on. Ben did tell them that he and Edward were going to room together at Northwestern, but it didn't register with me. Northwestern? He paid his deposit to Udub. Angela and I were going to room together but Edward and I would still be together._

 _My dad was able to get me out of the house by having me help Jacob and Billy. While his sisters stayed until Billy came home from the hospital, Jacob still needed support. I helped Dad and Billy's other friends with getting the house wheelchair ready and scrubbed their tiny red home top to bottom. Mom helped me fill their freezer with casseroles. I put on a happy face for everyone but on the inside I was dying. Angela knew—she was really the only one that knew I was heartbroken but I didn't tell her about our intimacy. That sacred moment Edward had dismissed so easily. Was I a virgin? I didn't feel like one but I refused to feel bad about what I had done. I still loved Edward even though he wouldn't call me or return my letters or emails. When the end of August rolled around and I had to head to school, I decided to put my past away and try to get on with my future._

Of course I remember that day. "Thanks for bringing up the worst day of my life."

"The worst day of your life? Bella, how can you say that? That was the best night of my life, up until you let me back in a few weeks ago."

"You owe me an explanation. You hurt me. Why did you tell me all of that stuff at the playground? Do you know what that did to me? 10 weeks Edward-10 weeks I had to go until college and I was like a zombie. I felt dead on the inside but had to walk around and pretend everything was ok." I pushed him as I stood up. I could feel anger creeping in—it was either anger or I was going to breakdown.

"No Bella, please sit back down. Let me finish."

I stood there for a minute or 2 contemplating. I turned and went into the kitchen and got the purple bag from the top of my cabinet. I got out my shot glass and poured some Crown Royal. Once I threw back the shot, I felt a little better. I had another one then filled the glass a 3rd time. Edward put his hand on me and scared me half to death.

"Bella, you don't have to drink. I'll leave if that's better. I swear I never meant to hurt you."

"I'm just drinking for some liquid courage. I'll come back out in a minute." He looked at me hesitantly then nodded and went back to the living room. I stared at the glass in my hand then placed it back on the counter, still full.

"Please hear me out. Bella, sharing my body with you, even for a brief moment. I can't explain how I felt. It was like being home and my favorite dessert and waking up on Christmas morning all wrapped up together. I felt like I was in the perfect place. You were so lovely and so trusting. I saw your tears and it was like a switched flipped. I felt like I was on the outside watching someone hurt you. I could never hurt you."

"But you did—you left me.."

"I know and I hate myself. Listen, while I was about to fall on my knees and tell you I loved you, my phone rang and it was my dad in Chicago. Tanya had given birth at 36 weeks that afternoon. Her family contacted a lawyer immediately and tried to serve me papers for a paternity test at my house. My dad demanded I fly back home and needed me to go get packed while he booked me a flight. I begged him to give me 24 hours so I could explain everything to you and literally that is all he gave me. I left your house with my head so full. What was I going to tell you? Would you even believe me? How was I going to leave? When I got back to Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle's house, I realized I didn't kiss you or hug you goodbye. I texted you dozens of times but never sent them because all of my messages sounded lame. Dad called me back and had booked me a red eye out of Port Angeles leaving just after midnight on my birthday.

Carlisle came home sometime after the sun came up and popped into my room. He had talked to Dad and agreed I needed to go back to settle this. Carlisle thought it was the rape case—he had no idea about the baby."

I felt like I was going to puke. Edward was a father? He had been here a year away from his son or daughter? What kind of person does that? I mean it isn't the kid's fault his mother raped Edward but still.

I made it to the bathroom just in time to lose my supper, wine, and 2 shots of whiskey. Edward came in behind me and tried to hold my hair back. I kept swatting him away. After I got cleaned up, I finally found my words.

"Edward, I think you should go. I just need to think."

"Wait I am not finished."

"I'm sorry but I've heard as much as I can. Please go."

I felt like I was going to be sick again but I was doubled over in pain. I felt like a fireplace poker was going through my chest and coming out by my right shoulder blade. I knew I was going to be sick again. I went back to the toilet but nothing came up. I just dry heaved.

Edward refused to leave my side and stayed with me on the floor for the next few hours. The pain just kept getting worse. Around 2am, I started crying and just wanted to die. I just could not get relief. Edward called his Uncle Carlisle and told him what was going on. Carlisle said I had to get to the hospital immediately. Of course I refused. Frisco had been crying along with me and I couldn't just leave him. I could wait until a decent hour and call my parents.

Edward went to my phone and called Emmett and then my parents. Emmett agreed to come take care of Frisco by bringing him to his house and my parents told Edward to pick me and up and carry me if he had to. I was going to the hospital.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Sunday December 9, 2018

"Ugh, my mouth taste awful."

"Its ok sweetie, many people feel that way coming out of anesthesia." Say what? I looked around and noticed I was in a large hospital room with curtains separating beds. I only saw one other patient on the other side of the room.

"Anesthesia? What happened?"

The nurse looked at me with comforting eyes then patted my arm. "You had a pretty serious gall bladder attack. You ended up in emergency surgery and it is out now. You will be moved up to a room in a bit and might even be able to go home tonight. The doctor will be by in a little bit."

What? I mean I knew my mom had her gallbladder out young and so did my grandma, but I never had any issues like they did. If I was remembering, Grandma Swan was 19 and Mom was 21-it was right after she met dad.

I must have been drifting in and out for awhile because I was jostled awake by the aide and another nurse moving my bed to my room. I got there, and a different nurse aid helped me get settled into bed, rehooking me up to my drip bag. "Miss Swan, Dr. Kerouac will be by in a moment or 2. We will be bringing you a liquid breakfast in about an hour."

I looked up at the clock and it said 5:10. I realized it must be am! While I was still trying to piece together that I had surgery and trying to remember what happened, my door open and Renee followed by Charlie came in.

"Bella! Are you feeling ok? Baby, you gave us such a scare." Mom was lightly hugging me and Dad came over and patted my arm.

"Edward is a keeper for sure Bella. I didn't care too much for him when you dated in high school but he took care of you last night. He even managed to call us back when you were on the way to the hospital. Don't let him go this time." Dad hardly said that much to me in one moment let alone about a man!

"Is he here?"

"Yes baby, he's out in the waiting room but didn't want to intrude. Would you like me to go get him? Emmett is out there as well as Alice."

"Yeah, sure Mom. I'm just waiting for the doctor."

About the moment I finished speaking, a nice older looking man with gray hair and glasses wearing scrubs came in. "Hello Miss Swan. I am Dr. Kerouac, the surgeon. How are you feeling this morning?" He shook my hand.

"I kind of don't remember anything. Am I ok?" Dr. Kerouac smiled and had these beautiful dimples-he was kind of hot for an older guy.

"Yes yes, we will be taking blood work in a moment to make sure your liver enzymes are coming down. Your gall bladder was chock full of stones and quite inflamed. It's a good thing your friend was there with you. We were able to get an ultrasound done about midnight then determined what the problem was. We operated 1:30-3am and there were no issues. I even tested the duct to make sure there was no stone stuck. Everything looks great! We want you to eat this morning and get the blood work back. If all goes well, you can go home around 9am this morning." He pulled out an iPad and showed me the scans from before and after the surgery to show me and my parents.

"How long will I be recovering?"

"Well, we usually tell patients not to pick up anything heavier than a gallon of milk for 5-7 days. Most recover within 10 days and go back to work. I can get the nurse to come in and explain more. I have another surgery scheduled for 6am so I have to scoot now."

We thanked him, and I turned back to mom. "Will you tell Emmett and Edward to come in? I want to see them."

Mom and Dad both left, saying the cafeteria was about to open and thy needed coffee. Emmett and Edward came back in. Emmett tried to give me one of his bear hugs until I yelped from a pulling by my belly button. "Sorry Bells. I am so glad you are ok. Frisco is at home with Rose, but I insisted on staying here. You were unconscious when I got to your house and I was freaked out. How do you feel?"

"I'm ok, a little sore around my mid-section but no other pain. "

Emmett put his hand on my shoulder and said he was going to scoot. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek then gave a weird look at Edward. Was that pity?

My nurse came in before either of us could speak.

"Hello Miss Swan, my name is Brooke and I'll be your nurse today. I just have to get some blood really quick." Ugh I hated it, so I looked at Edward and asked him to distract me. He entertained me by telling me about the drive to the hospital. Apparently, I was moaning through the pain, mostly unconscious. I must have been dreaming because I kept talking about how I wanted 5 more minutes to sleep and telling Frisco to get off my tummy. We were both chucking when Brooke announced she was finished and would return soon with my "breakfast".

I asked Edward to sit. "We need to talk. First, thank you so much for taking care of me last night. I owe you big time."

"Bella, I'm just glad I was there. I am sorry I upset you but I'm glad I wasn't making you puke. "

I held my hand up. "No I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about Tanya and your baby."

Edward raised his eyebrows at me. "My baby?"

"Yes, I remember asking you to leave when I got sick. I was upset you would move out here and leave your child behind. After seeing how caring you truly are, I'm ready for the rest of the story."

Edward gave me a tiny smile. "Thank you Bella but first you need to know the truth. I am not a father."

It was my turn to look surprised. "But you said…."

"Let me finish-ok?" I nodded.

 _June 20, 2011_

 _Edward's perspective_

 _Happy fucking birthday to me. I was back in Chicago after breaking Bella's heart and may be a father to a child I have no recollection of making. Dad was insistent I come back immediately and persuaded me to change my mind about u-dub. He never told me directly to break it off with Bella, but what else could I do? I would rather have her hate me then to think she could be a step mother at 17!_

 _When I got home, we went straight to a clinic to get the paternity test done. Dr. Merrick took blood and swabbed the inside of my mouth. He was good friends with Dad and assured us both that he would perform the test on Tanya's baby personally to make sure there was no funny business going on. Now we had to wait 12 fucking weeks-3 months! Ugh! I wasn't sure what to do. Do I go bond with what could be my baby or not?_

 _Mom made the decision easy for me. She said it would break my heart if I bonded with the baby and she wasn't mine. However, I would feel worse if I ignored her and then found out she was mine. "A baby is a newborn only once Edward."_

 _June 22, 2011_

 _I called over to the Denali's 2 days later and spoke with Tanya on the phone. She agreed I could come visit the baby but either her mom or dad had to be there at all times. I stopped at the store and picked up a jumbo package of newborn diapers and a 3 pack of wipes—on the suggestion of my mom. She said this would go a long way of smoothing things over. Mom and Dad wanted to come but we agreed I would go alone this first time._

 _I was a wreck, standing there at their brownstone holding all this stuff. I have never held a baby and had no idea what to expect._

 _Mrs. Denali (or Irina as she insisted, I call her) answered the door and ushered me into the living room. Tanya was sitting surrounded by a bunch of pillows with a tiny pink bundle._

" _Hello Tanya—I brought some diapers and wipes. I hope you can use them." Tanya smiled at me and thanked me._

" _Would you like to hold your daughter? She's already been fed and changed."_

 _I stood there awkwardly for a moment and then sat beside her. Tanya laid this beautiful creature in my arms and I swear I fell in love._

" _What is her name?"_

" _Mary Catherine Cullen. I named her after both of my grandmothers."_

 _I didn't want to start a fight but I was worried about the last name. "Cullen? Can you legally do that?"_

 _Tanya got pissed. "Look Edward, I know you are the father and your name is already on the birth certificate. Her last name is Cullen."_

 _I was in dangerous territory, so I let it go. Cate, as Tanya was calling her, was so soft and sweet. She had the loveliest skin and wispy blonde hair._

"That week I switched my enrollment over to Northwestern. Thank God Dad had paid that deposit. I didn't know what to do so I got a part time job clerking at my dad's office and visited Cate every day. About 6 weeks later, at the end of July, Tanya stopped being there. She was going out and leaving the baby with her mother. This was fine by me as I couldn't really stand her, but it made me curious who she was hanging around with. Her mom said none of her girlfriends had stopped by since the baby was born. They had all just visited briefly with her in the hospital.

"It all came to a head around the 3rd week of September. I was juggling working 4 hours a day with classes. I had a dorm room with Ben but was mainly staying home to be close to the baby. Dad came running into the office I shared with the other interns with the results. I opened the envelope and saw that 99.9% confirmed NOT to be the father."

"Oh Edward, how did you take it?"

"I felt relief but then started crying. I had really fallen in love with Cate. She had been smiling for a while and would light up when I came to visit each day. Until child support was worked out, I was giving almost my entire paycheck to Tanya each week-about $150. Mom and Dad had grown somewhat attached as well. The father was Tanya's secret boyfriend Garrett. They had been forced to break up because her parents didn't want her with a "loser"—but Tanya secretly continued to see him. She knew he was the father and was hoping it would never come out."

"I'm so sorry but relieve to know you aren't a deadbeat dad."

"They got married at the beginning of October that year and are still together. We decided to drop the rape case as well. She still sends me pictures of Cate from time to time and I am known as "Uncle Edward." I make sure to see her each year around her birthday and Christmas. I didn't want to hurt that baby, even though I was a victim as well. The worst part was not being here with you. I was already into my first semester of college and just decided to stay. How could I come back and tell you all this?"

I had no words. About that time, my "breakfast" came, and we had break in the conversation. I drank my 2 cups of apple juice and my nasty chicken broth. "Edward, have you been able to forgive Tanya?"

He took a deep breath. "Yeah, I have. I was devastated when I thought I no longer had Cate in my life and then became very angry for months after. Ben had no idea how to help me. That spring, I decided I was tired of being miserable and started seeing a therapist at the student wellness center. It took me about 2 years, but I feel like I have forgiven her. She was in love with Garrett and did something stupid to cover up her pregnancy. The thing is I had other issues."

"Oh, like what?" I thought getting past a rape and being accused of fathering a child was awful. What else?

"Bella, I screwed everything up with you." He took my hands in his and looked me in the eyes. "Will you ever forgive me for not knowing how to talk to you about all of this? About forcing myself on you then leaving a day later?"

My mouth fell open. He thought he forced himself on me? "Edward, that's a lot to sort out. I am not forgiving you for giving my body to you all those years ago. I wanted you. Yeah It was not a complete, er…, experience but I loved you."

His lips quirked a little. "Thank you, Bella."

"I'm not finished. I am not going to lie. You hurt me when you left but knowing all the facts, plus we were so young…I guess I can understand why you were dumb." It was my turn to smirk.


End file.
